My Krishna
I hope you all know that crazy Krishna, I am his stupid krishna..
I was not born to be his, but somehow I started loving him, like anything. To be precise, from where, I actually don’t know. I didn’t cared for him at the early stages (don’t think my life is onto it’s extinction…), it was only a few years, I have started running behind him. May be the teenage, when the love comes to us in different forms, me too started to search for it. I liked love, if it was true, if it was not a fantasy, if it was a commitment(though not all can be successful)..
I started hearing his name frequently, someone over there had his name Krishnan, and that person was required frequently(he was our lab asst). So did the teacher called him over and again…”Krishna take that..,Krishna take this..”.I heard of it a lot. And it was at this point in my life, I started to thinik of him, my Krishna..
But then, I didnot liked myself to be said stupid at home . So, i was always cautious as to not be caught.
Then, after the first phase of my life, I had a new begining. A dwelling place far from my home, and from there I could be crazy to my extent. I could scribble on whatever I want, I could just be trying to be close to him. And all my words were to him. I wrote on sentences, no one understood those, only me had the feeling that I was complaining to him. I come out with a cry, I speak on stupidly, and atlast I’ll settle down, he loves me, though he is full of gopikas..haha.
I was really crazy over him. One thing which makes me happy is, people say they remembered me when they saw the glimpse of his somewhere. I was too proud to hear that. I know he has a lot girls behind, his radha, his meera, his all, but still, I am happy that I am his krishna..
I don’t pray to him, he is my friend, he is my darling. I just get angry with him, I say I won’t talk to you…But atlast, I would say, “you decide and I’ll accept, I have no regrets..”All gets over by this, and I become his old friend. I’ll go to temple and pray to others and in front of him, I’ll just cry out. He knows me na…
Why krishna? You may be wondering, I could have been another meer, or radha, but no, I don’t want to be one of them, I want to be one among them..radha, meera, krishna…haha..
These were things, which could be happening in my dreams, not the truth. Only I can accept this as I said, no one else.
Now, he is not my lover guy, but at some point in my life, I had forgotten him for someone, I can’t say forgetting, but I mistook…..May be I was in search of my Krishna…let it be, I don’t know. I want to come back to these crazy thoughts. My words, my feelings and all are alien to this world, may be one day I’ll also be…I want to love, forget the hatred of this world.
You know something, once, maynot be once, I got irritated, when someone said, these writers are all of same kind, they call them his. I didn’t say anything seriously, but frankly I didnot like it. Jokingly I said to her, “don’t say like that, krishna is only one and that’s me….”
May be one day, he’ll take me along to him, till then I am his, and let me be only his. Untill then, I wish I be courageous not to get lost….He is a lot tricky and is playing it too, I can feel it each mioment. He don’t answer me, but I am unable to read his signs, at times positive, and at others, the other way through..
I don’t know anything, I’ll just accept………let him decide….
Not complete yet, many more things to say, I don’t know how and what, I just wish my Krishna be there with me, I don’t want to get weak..
